Cuddle Time- No Vacancy

This post is for all the extreme people pleasers who have rock bottom self-esteem. The ones who are deeply saddened to go to bed alone. Just recently was introduced to the concept of Co-dependency. Which is shocking because I’ve been doing it for the past 16 years! One of my best realizations during quarantine. Wiki version is a psychological condition involving excessive emotional dependence on another person. Mine didn’t originate from a childhood event just crappy marriages to two police officers (these days I run in opposite direction when I see a man in uniform). Technique I used to analyze this discovery involved Mindhacking by Metathinking. If you’ve gone from one relationship immediately to another keep reading.

Never in my life have I had an addiction to drugs, alcohol or porn (yes, I will admit my viewing tendencies have increased since COVID-19). I did however have an addiction to people. Sought the desire to be needed. Prior to mind hacking my “mind movie (habitual thoughts that appear out of nowhere)” constantly replayed scenes from the past. Reliving the great memories that eventually turned into pain and regret. Always getting caught up in the content. Especially during mental downtime (showers, bedtime and driving). One movie clip on repeat included BBQ’s on Sunday constantly catering to the needs of my husband & his friends. Always on the move to keep the other person happy. Knowing by the end of the evening things would drastically change depending on the amount of alcohol consumed. Optimistic that if I continue giving, the relationship will improve. Not the best of scenes to replay.

Hello Superuser Mode…. becoming conscious of when you’re in control of your mind. Having the ability to recognize those habitual thoughts. Taking a step back and observing your mind movie. This I was able to start doing during isolation.

Then this truly amazing thing called Metathinking occurred. The ability to start thinking about my thinking. No wonder my last 16 years have left deep pains because my thoughts drove my emotions and actions. Jumping from one man to another I started questioning why did I seek another immediately? I was co-dependent. Self-abandonment and never expressing my wants. I searched for men who needed me because I lost who I was.

So I’m on a vacation from relationships. Accepting that it’s ok to be alone. Time to do things in my life I want to do. Sense a Manifestation post will follow. If you are interested in learning more about Mindhacking email me friendlypiscean@gmail.com. Sorry fellas only thing I’m spooning for remaining 2020 are my fluffy pillows!



2 thoughts on “Cuddle Time- No Vacancy”

  • Cuddle time – No Vacancy… The title of the commentary had me wanting to read on. First, my two love languages are Quality time and Physical touch. Hence, the idea of cuddling with another person who you so deeply trust and care about for me is akin to the most magical feeling. But to be touched or touch someone else no longer is a desire of mine just to fill a void. I had a very long marriage to actually a good person who was very physically undemonstrative. I know in hindsight why I did all of the things I did to try and gain her affection. In the end I was left feeling there was something wrong with me. A myriad adventure into insecurity and a feeling like I was on a hamster wheel trying to find what I needed to change or do better.
    The blogger writes… “Sought the desire to be needed” and “Optimistic that if I continue giving, the relationship will improve”. It should be no surprise that the writer felt this. I am sure many of us do.
    Since reading… I have revisited the idea of co-dependency. Since living in Florida post divorce, I admittedly have gone down a rabbit hole or two. For what? I needed to find me first before I had anything of value to bring to the table into someone else’s life . Sure, it’s very easy to find a physical relationship. It’s a lot of introspection and hard work to find and amazing one.
    DML
    Suggested Reading:
    Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself; Melanie Beattie

    • Thank for the comment. I can relate to physical touch as a love language. The warmth of another person is comforting. The feeling can at times send you into a state of delusion. Even when you know a relationship will come to an end you continue. It’s an addiction.

      I’m honored you shared your thoughts with me. You’re not alone and nothing is wrong with you. Life’s a rollercoaster. Every relationship has good times and bad. We can then use those experiences as lessons. As we search for our higher self through mindfulness we are okay with changing. Not because we’re doing it for someone else but because we want the best for our life. Those negative feelings we discover are able to be cleared. Making room for amazing things. I admire you for putting in the work! You might like one of my favorite affirmations:

      “I make space for greatness. I call on it’s success. I am power. I attract the very best”. Will download Codependent No More. Thanks! Jennifer

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