Cuddle Time- No Vacancy
This post is for all the extreme people pleasers who have rock bottom self-esteem. The ones who are deeply saddened to go to bed alone. Just recently was introduced to the concept of Co-dependency. Which is shocking because I’ve been doing it for the past 16 years! One of my best realizations during quarantine. Wiki version is a psychological condition involving excessive emotional dependence on another person. Mine didn’t originate from a childhood event just crappy marriages to two police officers (these days I run in opposite direction when I see a man in uniform). Technique I used to analyze this discovery involved Mindhacking by Metathinking. If you’ve gone from one relationship immediately to another keep reading.
Never in my life have I had an addiction to drugs, alcohol or porn (yes, I will admit my viewing tendencies have increased since COVID-19). I did however have an addiction to people. Sought the desire to be needed. Prior to mind hacking my “mind movie (habitual thoughts that appear out of nowhere)” constantly replayed scenes from the past. Reliving the great memories that eventually turned into pain and regret. Always getting caught up in the content. Especially during mental downtime (showers, bedtime and driving). One movie clip on repeat included BBQ’s on Sunday constantly catering to the needs of my husband & his friends. Always on the move to keep the other person happy. Knowing by the end of the evening things would drastically change depending on the amount of alcohol consumed. Optimistic that if I continue giving, the relationship will improve. Not the best of scenes to replay.
Hello Superuser Mode…. becoming conscious of when you’re in control of your mind. Having the ability to recognize those habitual thoughts. Taking a step back and observing your mind movie. This I was able to start doing during isolation.
Then this truly amazing thing called Metathinking occurred. The ability to start thinking about my thinking. No wonder my last 16 years have left deep pains because my thoughts drove my emotions and actions. Jumping from one man to another I started questioning why did I seek another immediately? I was co-dependent. Self-abandonment and never expressing my wants. I searched for men who needed me because I lost who I was.
So I’m on a vacation from relationships. Accepting that it’s ok to be alone. Time to do things in my life I want to do. Sense a Manifestation post will follow. If you are interested in learning more about Mindhacking email me email@example.com. Sorry fellas only thing I’m spooning for remaining 2020 are my fluffy pillows!